When things go wrong in bodybuilding

“When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but once things start going right they often go on getting better and better.” C.J Lewis

The above quote is not exactly inspirational but it is probably true - thank goodness for regression to the mean!

Things are getting worse

The Bodybuilding Challenge hasn't actually gone wrong but it is most definitely proving to be much more challenging that I had thought. Since I started the diet 4 weeks ago I have had an amalgamation of a common cold turn into a nasty bronchitis, a urinary tract infection and toothache. Oh yes and perhaps one more, the worst imaginable PMS which has sent anyone I know running for the hills. The first month, the plan was to moderately introduce carb cycling; 2 days low carb (65g per day) followed by an intermittent high carb day (180g per day). (This is based on my body weight of 64kg). On high carb days, dietary fat is kept to a minimum and on low carb days, protein levels are very high. The diet is supported by good fats and supplements throughout (Immune support, BCAA's, Greens/Spirulina, Glutamate, Omega 3,6 etc etc). 

I actually lost very little weight on this variation so it either wasn't enough of a stimulus to the metabolism or training volume was reduced from being ill. I moderated volume and intensity but I did try and maintain some form of training throughout. 

So...that wasn't great for morale. What I have noticed over the last 6-8 weeks is I have really lost my joie de vivre - "cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit". Whether it is the diet, fatigue, being ill or just the stress or everyday life that is the main contributor I don't know. But I expect it maybe something a bit more subtle. 

You can't take the hills out of the girl...

Since I finished Project 1: The Fan Dance, I stopped doing all my endurance march training. My fellow bodybuilding advisers/friends nearly fell over in horror at the thought of me doing so much "cardio", as the main aim is to increase lean muscle mass and stay away from a catabolic state as much as possible. And the thing about excluding the very thing that you love is, it takes away a little bit of your spirit as well. 

Wandering around the Brecon Beacons, camping out, often on my own is the one thing I love to do. It renews my energy like nothing else can. So, that is exactly what I decided to do this weekend. I jumped in my car first thing in the morning and drove out of London. I was so excited to arrive, I drove full speed into a bog in the one remaining car space (I wonder why!). So this is a big thank-you to Jon the park Warden who pulled my car out - he didn't even blink at my stupidity which makes me think he must have seen this London style "gun ho" arrival a few times before. Still, it wasn't long before the angst starts to leave you. I always marvel at the beauty of the Beacons, I never tire of it. 

In frame with my romanticising of this wonderful national park, I would like to say, once I set up camp in Talybont Forest and lay down, I slipped into a dream land of fairies and unicorns but actually I was terrified. It sounded like Jurassic Park outside my tent, there was a owl on amphetamines, a flying creature dive bombed my tent as another small "hoofing" animal decided to scrape at my front door all night. Anyhow, a spot of Armagnac and 2 sleeping pills seemed to do the the trick and I woke to a new day. I would be lying if I said I was refreshed but I was happy! Joie de vivre firmly reinstated. 

True happiness; a great book, coffee, sun and er protein shake!

I'm aware that my tent is pitched on a hill - but at least it was level ground!

Need I say more

We are all different and unique

One of the lessons learnt here, is even though you may enter into unchartered territory with a new sport and you feel overwhelmed, you know your body better than anyone else does - what motivates you, what training you respond to, what doesn't work. There are hundreds of bodybuilding formula's for diet and training and they are all right in theory - however only one or two permutations may work for an individual.

I lost confidence in my ability to judge how to do this project because I felt really out of my comfort zone. I put my progress in the hands of someone else probably too much. The guidance I have had has been fantastic but ultimately my instincts about what will work are probably reliable. I have an idea from the past 20 years of training of formula's which will work and then there is trial and error of this hypothesis. One very experienced bodybuilder at my gym, typically does the bulk of his cardio at the beginning of his prep, as this is when he has most energy, mentally and physically to do such training. He likes to be ready 4 weeks out. It goes against convention but it works for him. Many things I trial for myself and sometimes others, goes against convention but it works - it's just sometimes having courage of conviction to do so. 

So yes, the anxiety of partaking in a sport that I feel so out of my depth has become more consuming than I would like it to be. I will take some of this control back and reintegrate training concepts that I just like - more for my sanity than anything else. I will keep walking in the hills and I will do HITT training for cardio, not steady state cardio. 

I will jump rope, kettle bell swing and jump over boxes to add variety. It will not always be gym based weight lifting. I will work on a 4 week cycle, factoring in a de-loading week every 3rd week (reducing total volume by 1/3). 

Confidence

Confidence often comes from doing well at something or at least feeling like you are on target with training. That relies on knowing the objectives and the goals. Bodybuilding is a subjective sport so you never really know what the judges want, but you have some idea. Different federations want different things and different body categories require different looks. Knowing that you can fulfil that criteria to the best of your knowledge for what the category and the federation require is a good start. 

I have been given advice to change federation from the WBFF (World Beauty and Fitness Federation) to the UKBFF (UK body building and Fitness Federation), because I don't have that commercial "Miss World" look that the WBFF look for - only 40% of your score is your physique, 40% is about marketability and 20% is stage presence. I do like a bit of fashion, but from the comfort of my sofa reading Vogue. Shopping is my idea of hell, I have tattoos, I don't have fake breasts and walk really well in my Louboutin - but for about 10m and then want to take them off. So those that give you hard hitting truthful advice, they are either your worst enemy or best friend. In this case, I think they are my friend. 

Know your goals, change strategy if you have to

I now have a better idea of what show might suit me better, how I want to get there and how I want to look. That has done no wonders for my morale. I will not deny my competitive drive and once a challenge has been set, I will endeavour to give it 100% but I do not want to win at all costs. This is not what this is about. The challenge is about doing a sport that doesn't necessarily resonate with me and turning it into something enjoyable and fulfilling, staying healthy, without developing serious narcissism and alienating everyone around me. It is about positivity and making the impossible seem possible with small steps and hopefully encouraging others to do so too. A small change in strategy and I am hopeful I can stay true to those objectives. If I can get up on that stage, tick the boxes the judges want, look the best I can and maintain my values, I will be happy. If not, the Sport is not for me.