Is being self obsessed a necessary requirement for success?

I've started to read a lot of articles and overhear people's dialogues where it is stated that "self obsession" and selfishness is a requirement for success in Sport. As a woman in my mid thirties and having the benefit of retrospect! I thought I would share my opinion.


I have in my past been horrifyingly single minded and overly driven to the detriment of everyone and everything else. Despite achieving some goals, the feeling of emptiness that accompanied those successes was overwhelming. I found it extremely easy to eliminate people and things from my life that didn't support my goal. So yes...selfish I most definitely was.
My lesson about balance came from a rather unfortunate head injury during a Thai boxing fight. It culminated in 2 years out of Sport and a complete loss of confidence and identity. Personally and physically it was a really hard time and it was the loyalty and steadfastness of good friends and family that got me though it. So I learnt that the inclusion of good people in your life, really is the meaning of life and considering we are the average of those we choose to hang out with, it is important to choose wisely!

I like to think with age and the hard lessons learnt, I have acquired a little more balance in my life and I am also greatly inspired by those that are successful but still maintain some degree of perspective and harmony in their lives because it's harder to do.

Sport to some degree is self selecting. Genetics with respect to anthropometrics plays a big role in certain sports. I'm a big believer in the impossible but running an elite marathon time, if you're built like a 20stone rugby player in all honesty is not going to be that easy. So, what attracts a person to a certain sport is complicated but usually involves a unique combination of physiology and mind set. However the "selfish mind" that is deemed essential to sporting success, I'm not convinced. Being determined and disciplined, yes I agree but overly self obsessed I'm not so sure.
One argument is self-obsession is really a consequence of not having enough other really good stuff in your life that actually matters.

Witnessing the "greats" in action

I had the privilege of training with some top athletes in a training camp in Kenya in 2012, before the London Olympics. Usually these camps are hard and shows someones true colours! Mo Farah was my room neighbour on one side and Paula Radcliffe on the other. Quite how I landed myself in that demographic I don't know. Mo Farah, married with an adopted daughter and now 2 new twins, was an absolute legend. Away from cameras and the media, you get a little glimpse into these peoples lives. Dining was communal and he would always make sure he shared meal times with a different table and group of people in the camp, including the er "less elite"!! like myself. He was relaxed, jovial and really encouraging to everybody. In fact he even let a fellow Somali, who couldn't find anywhere to stay, sleep in his room for weeks.
The same was true for Paula, although a little more reserved. In fact I can think of numerous examples who manage their life in a way that exudes perspective and giving. My dad is another. Extraordinarily bright and hard working but yet always managed to make time for his family.

It is a choice not a requirement

I'm going to use bodybuilding as an example because this is the Sport I'm doing at the moment and it is also one that has the reputation for being the most "narcissistic"! In terms of total training time - perhaps 2 hours a day during contest prep. Time to prepare food - this can be done in a day; shopping, cooking, prepping food for the week and taking supplements (my kitchen now looks like a meth lab).
That leaves quite a lot of hours left in the day. Granted there is a certain lack of energy that goes with the training, dieting, working and whatever other family and social duties one has, but there is a choice there....how you choose to spend it. What you choose to occupy your mental space and what you choose to prioritise.

Of what I have observed of recreational athletes right through to top level Olympic Gold winners, is those at the very top, seem to have it right but those in the middle quite often don't! And so one could argue whether actually a sense of balance and the right supportive people around you are in fact a necessary requirement for success. Consistency and time (yrs) spent in sport is a necessary requirement and usually that goes hand in hand with resilience - being able to come back from disappointments, illness and injury. Having a good support group or partner is part of instilling resilience. And of course there is a comfort of sorts from being in a sport so long, so mentally switching on and off may become much more easy.

I would probably fall under the "middle road athlete" category but it has been a choice to learn the lesson and value those that are important to me. The number 1 reported regret of top coaches and athletes that I have spoken to, is that they didn't balance life better. So, perhaps there is something in that. My life is better for balance and in many ways it makes me feel more successful. Because so much of success is subjective anyway.... whether you think you can or you think you can't - you're right. "Feeling" successful is just as important as "being" successful!

One member of my inner circle - my geriatric labrador who has now taken to "shop lifting" all my contest diet food. Including salad.